Walking Myself Home, One Layer at a Time

Integration, healing, this medicine journey… it's all messy, but it's also raw, real, and beautiful. I wanted to share how my body has guided me through another layer of healing.

My camping trip was such a magical experience for me, but coming back to real life was hard. Integration is real, it's messy, and oh so necessary. Balancing life’s responsibilities (kids, house, etc.) with this new version of myself that wanted nothing more than freedom and devotion was difficult.

I witnessed it. I knew why I was struggling. And not only did I choose to give myself grace (and luckily, so did my husband), but I also decided to support my body in continuing to work through the layers that might still be holding me back from that freedom and devotion I was craving.

So for about five days straight, I applied castor oil all over my abdomen before bed.

When I use castor oil, I let my body lead.

I don’t set a time or expectation; I trust that whatever I’m ready to handle is what will move.

Over those five days, I alternated between nights of deep, restful sleep and nights of tossing, turning, and dreaming. These dreams were my subconscious processing limitations: people crossing boundaries, not giving me space, being stuck in a facility I couldn’t escape and then being shown I could change the blueprints.

Deep, powerful dreams.

I had every intention of continuing to work with my abdomen (colon, liver, stomach—big areas for emotion and trauma storage), but my body made it clear it was time to shift. After three separate painful events, the message was loud and clear: move on to the feet.

That night, I covered my feet and legs in castor oil. I also applied several of the "I Am" oils: blends designed to support the body’s energy centers (which will be available for purchase with the Fall Equinox launch).

I told my body, “I am ready to walk forward on this path. I am ready to let go of anything holding me back from my highest potential.”

I tossed and turned all night. I don’t remember the dreams, but I woke knowing I had been moving through something big. My hips and low back were tight, something that hadn't happened once while I worked with my abdomen the previous week.

I knew it was connected.

Rooted in the hips and low back, my root chakra has been asking me to acknowledge what my body has long known: it hasn’t always felt safe to fully arrive.

I’m holding space for that truth and inviting in a new story.

When I struggle with the feeling of safety, I notice those areas tighten.

The tightness passed quickly after waking, but I made note of it and moved through the day knowing the layers I was moving through in my legs had now risen into the root.

Later that day, during my sacred coffee time (nap time for the kids), my husband came up to talk. I gave him my attention, but not my full presence. He eventually expressed a desire for me to be more present, more interested in what he was sharing.

Instantly, a wave hit: unworthiness. My shoulder blade and upper back began to ache. My mind started looping:

“Am I giving him enough?” “What if I don’t have more to give?” “What if I’m not enough?”

I recognized it.

A core wound.

I want to shout my worthiness from the rooftops because I’ve felt unworthy for so long.

I saw the trigger, I felt the body’s response, I watched the mental loop.

I cried.

Then I got up and created dinner.

Then I cried some more.

Creation helped.

Moving my body into a task shifted something in me.

Healing isn’t something I do alone anymore. This sacred partnership has held me in the moments I couldn’t hold myself, reminding me that I am worthy, I am supported, and I don’t have to carry it all alone.

Later, my husband and I talked about what happened. We discussed our mutual desire to feel present with each other. But then he asked me, “How did it feel in your body?”

Bless this man. What an insightful question.

I told him, "It felt like I wasn’t enough. And the pain had hit me instantly."

He congratulated me, “Look at you. You recognized the feeling, saw your body’s response, and you didn’t lose your shit.”

I asked for a massage.

When he looked at my back, he could physically see that my right shoulder was significantly higher than the left.

The right side is the masculine, the part that feels like it needs to "do."

The pain was a heart guard.

He could see my energy imbalance.

So he followed the flow, working on realigning both shoulders, softening the knots that had formed in just a few hours.

This wasn’t just a massage; this was acknowledgment.

This was presence.

This was somatic release in real time.

He finished by applying "I Am Worthy" (a roll-on blend debuting at the Equinox) along my back in soft, swirling infinity symbols.

I’m not here to offer quick fixes, not to you, not to myself.

But I am here to show you what’s possible when we truly connect with our bodies and listen to every whisper. Each chakra and energy center tells a story.

And we move through these layers so that, little by little, we remember:

We are light.

I’m going to keep telling my stories. I hope they light something in you. I hope they reflect pieces of your own healing. I hope they remind you that you are not alone. And I hope they guide you home to yourself.

So i will leave you with these reminders:

You are here and you are safe.

You are a vessel of creation.

You are enough and so worthy.

You are love, and you are loved.

You are truth, and your voice is ready.

You are ready to see, and you are safe to know.

You are the light.